omfg t3h weddingz

breaking it down for posterity

2007-06-24T06:55:00.001-07:00

when i was planning how in the hell we were going to afford this whole thing, i loved to check out sample budgets in books like "beautiful weddings for $5,000 or less." they ended up not helping too much - the major savings usually came from wearing your mom's dress (not an option) or doing it in your rich grandma's backyard on the chesapeake (sadly, not an option).
so here's a loose estimate of what we spent on what; some items are left out because it would be uncouth for me to post what they cost (for example, we snagged our amazing photographer before she had expanded her portfolio and adjusted her rates, which she should have because she was a steal; and our DJ was a personal friend of ours who had DJ's major events and is a radio personality, but hadn't been a wedding DJ before). since both of these people will likely continue in the wedding industry, i'm not going to compromise them by posting a number.

SITE
-beach club rental: $650 (resident rate)
-tent and sidewalls: $775

FOOD
-rehearsal dinner: gift of kz's parents

-BBQ catering, 110 people: $2443
-cake, delivered: $430
-cases of beer, softdrinks: $450
-ice for buckets: gift of kz's family
-boxes o'joe from dunkies: gift of kz's parents

DECORATIONS AND EQUIPMENT
-wooden arbor decorated with peonies: gift of kz's parents
-centerpieces and vases for 12 tables: gift of sabs' parents
-hanging wall swags and ribbons: gift of sabs' parents
-rope lighting (internet): $200
-flowers for 12 tables and bridesmaids (internet): $354
-bridal bouquet: gift of kz's parents
-misc craft store purchases (flower wire, hangers, seashells): $350
-sand dollars for place cards (ebay): $75

-extra chair and tables, table cloth rentals: $350
-half the plastic plates and silverware: gift of sabs' parents
-remaining plates and stainless silverware, cups and napkins, ice buckets: $360

-website (online invitation/rsvps): gift of bridesmaid (westwaystudio.com)

ATTIRE
-wedding rings (white gold): $800
-bridal gown: gift of sabs' parents
-custom-made veil: $150
-alterations (bustle only) and dress press fee: $170
-shoes: $109
-dress-specific undergarments: $60
-kz's tux: free with other tux rentals
-wedding dress cleaning/preservation: $170

-bridal hair trial and day-of 'do: $75
-polish and pedicure: $40
-makeup products (too many sephora trips): $150
-lingerie: $175

PROFESSIONALS
-photographer
-DJ
-officiant: $200

LODGING
-2 nights before wedding: $250
-long weekend minimoon package in the white mountains (3 nights, jacuzzi room): $680
-minimoon food and activities (mt washington cog railway, etc): $500

MISC
-bridal party and moms gifts (pashminas, etc): $300
-bride and groom gifts for each other: $200

SOURCES (would highly recommend):

bridal gown: vow's, watertown, ma (bridepower.com)
veil and alterations: alterations by anahit, watertown, ma
shoes: endless.com
tuxes: men's wearhouse (menswearhouse.com)
bridesmaid dress selection: jim hjelm (jlmcouture.com/jim_hjelm)
bridesmaid dress discount bulk ordering: RK bridal, nyc, ny (rkbridal.com)
bridesmaids/moms cashmere pashminas: amazingcollections.com
rings: burque's jewelers, nashua, nh (burques.com)
wedding gown cleaning/preservation: wedclean (wedclean.net)

bbq catering: redbones, somerville, ma (redbones.com)
cake: diane's delectables, pawtucket, ri (dianesdelectables.com)
officiant: former judge p.k. rose, coventry, ri (justiceofthepeace-rhodeisland.com)
arbor peonies and bridal bouquet: hisa's flowers, narragansett, ri (hisasflowers.com)
rope lighting: coolstuffcheap.com
equipment rentals: taylorrental.com
online flower order: 2groses.com
customized online map: weddingmapper.com

hotel for wedding block reservations: hampton inn, coventry, ri
honeymoon package: kearsarge inn, north conway, nh (kearsargeinn.com)

registries: crate and barrel, sears

crafts from micahel's, ac moore, christmas tree shops
party supplies/utensils from costco and sam's club

i'll be back eventually to post about how we made all those flowers ourselves, because i would have really liked some info on that before i dove into it myself.
but i'm spent for now.

registry mayhem

2007-06-15T18:01:00.000-07:00

the other night, after having half a bottle of red wine with my spaghetti dinner, i decided to begin writing thank-you cards. 50% of that motivation was due to the wine and the other 50% due to kz being out of town on business. what better to do than turn on lifetime and gush with some heartfelt gratitude (you know i'm kidding about lifetime, right? i was actually watching clear and present danger for the umpteenth time, because it is the best move ever, even with commercials).

i went clicking around on my desktop to find one of the 27 versions of the xls guest list that contained my column of "loot" where i'd typed in, one by one, what each guest bought us as i unwrapped or unpacked each item over the last 2 months (see "the mountain" below). yes, i was definitely that child who wouldn't eat her halloween candy before i dumped it all on the carpet, sorted by various groupings (wrapper color, sugar content, chocolate vs non, sticky vs chewy) until i was satisfied, and divvied it all up into compartments of a toolbox i reserved for such cataloging antics. i didn't have any friends, either.

anyway, i couldn't find a version of the file that had been updated since the day before the wedding. that only contained 5 or so gift notes of the 100+ i needed. i have a pretty good memory and could probably have reconstructed half of it, but that wasn't the point - i had been ORGANIZED and now my laptop was THWARTING ME and no wine-fueled searches for "*.xls" 'modified within the last month' yielded any fruit at all. i could have freaked but instead i poured another glass of wine and started writing out the thank-yous for old people first, since i think they still like to maintain decorum and see evidence that young people are still being raised with manners, and plus if i run out of steam (or stamps) and decide to bail and start sending thank-you emails, a lot of old peeps would prefer a hand-mailed letter (by pony express, if possible) to them new-fangled internets. even though nobody can read my tiny lefty scrawl, bifocals or glaucoma notwithstanding.

then of course, kz managed to find my file for me, hidden away on our shared items folder on the server with the same name as 10 other iterations all updated too long ago (a mistake never to be repeated; i shall go back to naming my files with version numbers, OCD appearances be damned). the moral of the story: i had called crate and barrel in a near-panic on monday, conjuring up my best "i just got married and i'm totally a real woman with serious woman-like emotions who is upset and may just cry or scream on the phone because i am having a problem and YOU must fix it, phone minion" - i think it was a convincing act, to be sure - and it turns out they can mail you a list of the names of people who purchased off your registry if they used a credit card, and what they purchased. it takes 2 weeks by mail, but it is a good thing to know in the case of a retard move like mine.

and as a side note, packing lists are actually pretty helpful - they contain the sender's address, even if they bought it and had it shipped online. i learned this, sadly, after the destruction and removal of the first mountain and its associated detritus; i only saved the second round of packing slips. this mattered to me because i didn't have anyone's addresses to begin with, being in the rather unique position of having sent solely electronic invitations but wanting to old-skool it with my thank-you cards. i'm still not sure why i decided to do that, i think it's because i found stamps and ink pads at the craft store, and blank off-white cards and envelopes, and i must have been going through the martha stewart phase of day 2 of PMS, because here i sit: 10 cards done after 3 hours of work. and not a stamp in the house.

at last! the mountain!

2007-06-06T16:35:00.000-07:00

here's an updated pic of the current mountain. the scary part is not that it's finally just about reached the ceiling...remember the old mountain? well, my mom made short work of that when she was here for a week before the wedding. she done showed those boxes how it's done.

so this is an entirely new mountain, with bookcase and shoes shown for scale:

and i realized that yes, i still need to post pics and actually write about the wedding. i'm going to do that on my personal blog, sabominator.com, because it's mega enough that it spills over from this girly dungeon into my real life. so you can read about that here.

marriedz!!!

2007-05-24T16:28:00.000-07:00

so, we did it! may 18, 2007: miss bunny became mrs. bears:

photo by jenny frazier, http://studio.alleyesonjenny.com/

i've been reluctant to post sooner, somewhat because we took a 4-day getaway to the white mountains and proceeded to catch a bad cold, and somewhat because i just don't know where to begin. i've been thinking pretty hard about how to group my post-wedding rundown on this blog; i know plenty of people, many of whom don't know me, have followed the trials and tribulations and might feel emotionally constipated if i never followed up. more to the point, so would i.

i actually had a lot to say in the 2 weeks leading up to the big day, but never had time to post. the biggest anxiety factor was the weather, which i stubbornly refused to believe would be solid rain until it actually happened. i honestly thought maybe my dad's arrival would set things right, since his presence during my childhood magically ensured sunny days and big waves every time we went to the beach. no dice; set a 100-year record for the amount of rainfall on that date and location.

i'm going to set about posting some hard numbers for how much we spent on what, and which vendors we used that we'd recommend, to make this site useful as something more than a repository for girlfeeings. but first, i'm going to just tell you how it went.

wedding forecast is number one!

2007-05-16T19:18:00.000-07:00

this is what kz, me, and my mom all think about the wedding day forecast:

less than 9 days to go

2007-05-09T19:11:00.000-07:00

and the mountain, it grows...

invites, decor, the state of being spastic, and rings

2007-04-12T15:59:00.000-07:00

i've been meaning to announce for over a week that THE INVITATIONS ARE OUT and i'm so excited. i'm glad i didn't express my elation too soon after compopsing 100 individual emails, each with a separate attachment...because gmail's too smart for its own good, and stealthily changed the online RSVP link that i typed in the email body to a .html that was non-functional in that it didn't record any of our guests' responses. luckily, kz had ingeniously thought to link the RSVP URL by clicky action to the 'view invitation' page, so many of our guests accessed it by clicking the invite and we got a lot of our responses correctly that way. after a few complaints that went something along the lines of me starting off, "hey douchebag, why haven't you RSVP'd yet" and my unsuspecting obedient friends being all, "dude i did, like twice, i swear," i figured out something was up and it was quick-fix kz to the rescue. it necessitated writing a few more emails (ok, like 50) asking people to please try again now that the error was fixed. just an FYI to any other geeks in love thinking about doing online invitations: it's awesome. watching the RSVP's coming in real-time and knowing 95% of your guest attendance after less than 2 weeks is really pretty bitchin. just make sure your email client obeys your whims. we still got to have the 'pretty invitation with your wedding colors' aesthetic that is still expected, because kz laid out the electronic incarnation of what we would have gotten printed up if we'd had $400 and plenty of saliva and stamps to burn. email >>> all.

there's been a lot going down lately; kz's mom had this amazing idea to rent out the beach club the night before for the rehearsal dinner which his parents are generously hosting for us. after confirming that the parks department would let us begin decorating the night before, i nearly passed out from jubilation. without a doubt, the biggest stressor about the wedding has been imagining the logistics of how to get a bridal party, already in their dresses and tuxes, to rapidly decorate a large room and deck, including setting up tables, chairs, linens, flowers, etc - in about 2 hours, with only the field generals (the momz) to run the show. while i imagined sitting at the hotel primping and crossing my fingers that nothing went wrong. this changes all that; my OCD will be soothed by having some control (*twitch*) and by being around for some of the work the night before, and i won't have to ask our moms and bridal party to run around like madmen in the hours leading up to the wedding. since this new development, my gut has unclenched and i feel nearly nothing but excitement about the wedding. now i understand why function halls with staff and inclusive service, setup, and decorating are so popular. i'm just so happy we get to do it our way, but with less craziness.

this weekend, my little bro is being awesome and driving up from jersey to kz's rents' house with a carload of all the wedding goodies my mom has been stockpiling for the past year. and he drove down and back to NC last week to get it all. if it weren't for them, i'm not sure how i ever would have figured out how to decorate, since i'm no martha stewart; and how to afford all the stuff you need to transform an otherwise plain rented room. it's going to be pretty sweet. and so many friends have offered to help, or taken the day (or week!) off and are prepared to be at my beck and call, which is so thoughtful and also makes me uncomfortable, because i truly suck at telling people what to do.

alas, behind all the stuff that's going our way and all the support, there's always the crap. i have to say, i know some women are patently unreasonable about every last freaking detail and honestly earn the 'bridezilla' title, but so many have that epithet unfairly applied. i'm not trying to imply anyone has called me such (at least, not to my face), but i'm beginning to understand the so-called overly sensitive overreactions of so many brides to be. this thing happens that nobody but you, and maybe your fiance if he's paying attention, actually notices. all these little things come up. 1 in every 5 guests has a special request, wants to reschedule something, wants you to change the order or placement or timing of events, wants an exception to be made to increase their comfort. and the request, in and of itself, is nearly always perfectly reasonable. what is not reasonable is the volume of these requests received, and the often immediate and favorable attention expected from the bride, who's already stressed to the max and is actually dealing with life at the same time. work, school, house cleaning, errands...none of it ends. wedding crap just fills up all your free time previously used for relaxing, like a rose-scented pearly white grout that never lets go. so next time you want to ask someone who's getting married if they could just make an addition to the menu, or work around your travel plans, or do you a favor and invite someone else for their sake, well...my advice is, think again. chances are, a lot of people have bent over backwards for you on your big day, whether it was a birth or a marriage or a graduation; and you may not have even noticed it. return the favor and be an adult and manage your own issues by yourself to the extent to which it is humanly possible. i guarantee you: a bride to be would rather you skip purchasing a wedding gift and give the gift of silence in the months leading up to the wedding. unless you're having a legitimate problem (can't find a hotel room, aren't clear whether children are invited or what the attire is), don't contact the bride with a battery of pointed questions or sweetly-phrased demands. forego the temptation to turn your trip out to the wedding into a vacation about YOU. cause it's not. before and after the wedding, do it up and make the most of your expenses for going out there by seeing the sights and having a good time. not to put too fine a point on it, but you're actually there for the wedding, right? so if you get a bride acting recalcitrant, or exasperated, or less sympathetic to your request than she might otherwise be, remember that she feels like an overworked secretary with a bunch of clamoring kids that want more, more, more, and now, now, now. and running around a white-upholstered living room with chocolate-covered paws. you know what i mean.

and today i got all excited to go pick up our wedding bands, finally engraved and totally paid for. i'd had my engagement ring re-dipped in rhodium to restore the white gold color and shine, since something i came across (household cleaner or organic synthesis chemical, you be the judge) turned it a brassy gold in no time a couple of months ago. so i'd been wearing my 'temporary' target engagement ring so as not to feel naked for the past few weeks while they sent it out. it's funny, as someone who doesn't wear much habitually other than my lip ring and a small silver neck chain; you get really used to a ring on your finger every day. i was so looking forward to picking everything up and having my ring back, and knowing that the others were finally done. i'd been home sick all day with my recurrent bronchitis and dragged my ass out into the winter advisory slush, snow and ice weather to go get them. imagine how my heart sunk when i got home and, hoping to have a girly 5 minutes under the bright bathroom light admiring the appearance of both rings on, i noticed several scratches and 2 gouges that can catch a fingernail in my wedding band. kz's seems ok; i would imagine the minor scratches on the inside are common after engraving. but on the outer band and beveled edge...it's quite noticable, to my eyes. i'm trying to keep it in perspective. either kz will agree and we'll march back there and i'm sure they'll do something about it, or i'll find out i'm being a perfectionist and i can just relax the wedding sphincter just a little bit.

either way, it's time for some robitussin.
next week's my trial hair-do appointment, and the week after is my second fitting with my custom-made veil that will be ready. weddingz, ho!!

fit to be wed

2007-03-09T15:46:00.000-08:00

many people have asked me how things went in the days since the fitting that likely wouldn't fit. sorry to leave you all hanging, i just got verbally sidelined by stress and anxiety and lack of sleep and a maelstrom of thoughts. now i can parse the tale.

so, it fit!!! miraculously, maybe i even willed it so in the week from my mangled attemtps to disloacte my own shoulders so i could zip myself into my gown till the fitting late on a cold and blustery night in watertown. she zipped me right in and laughed at the panic-stricken message i'd left her, which was along the lines of "i just thougt i should let you know that me dress, er, sort of, well really, i guess doesn't fit so well, at all, i think." what i implied in that eloquent speech was that perhaps she should get an army of hittites, or an oxen-drawn plow, or a bulldozer and phalanx of lumberjacks, to stuff me into the dress and stitch me in. or just a flame thrower and barrel of concrete for me to dive into. either one.

it was definitely tight across the abdominal area, which is unusual for me because the area above my navel is usually what fits into most anything, short of my quarterback shoulders; it's usually the hip tumors and inner tube that prevent me from owning a pair of decent jeans. so imagine my surprise. granted, the guinness and chips 'n' salsa i'd had minutes prior to the fitting probably did not help. so we discussed how it would be no big deal for me to lose 5 pounds or so in the next two months, and if that didn't go so well, she could always let it out a touch later on. then we moved onto how much she loved my shoes and how i really did need a veil, this being my first wedding and all, and how much my fiance wants to see me in a veil even if he never mentioned it, you can be sure. i ate up every word she said because i love petite middle aged foreign women with thick accents who assuage my american fears and praise my child-bearing hips. so i got a custom made veil, and it'll be ready next month.

my quest to shed a few must be somewhate successful, since i'd had my bridesmaid's dress for e$'s wedding fitted a few weeks prior. i went to pick it up last week (2 weeks after the fitting that almost didn't), and the bust was so huge that i had to buy some padding for "the girls," as my other seamstress (also foreign, but not impressed with my hips at all) called them. because we wouldn't want "the girls" to fall out now, no? (imagine that in a russian accent). but i fear my progress may be stalled by this new issue where i can't seem to get a decent night's sleep and i walk around school ready to cry from exhaustion and a single harsh word flung by a careless labmate (and there are many). so, first priority: sleep and passing my last exams and staying sane. second: more cardio.

but, we also finally got our loan check in the mail; the caterer's deposit is finally in, the rings and flowers will be taken care of this weekend, and the bridal party favors and place card makings are on their way. all 3 bridesmaids have received their dresses and they all fit well enough to be dealt with. my mom found and is perfecting the cutest cake topper idea ever. next up is some serious logistics, arranging the selected music and burning the disc for our dj, making a list of photos for our friend-of-a-friend (through blogger!) photographer, getting the website ready for online RSVP's and emailing our invitations, and figuring out seating, table arrangement, and rentals. we're getting there.

beefcake!

2007-02-17T05:47:00.000-08:00

so everybody wants to be a little trimmer on their wedding day. i, personally, have been worried about my ever-growing tush fitting into my gown, which i hadn't tried on since august. funny thing, though; through all the healthy eating and working out since then, i neglected to consider the effect of lifting weights on my physique. i sort of forgot that ever since all those years of crew, my lats bulk up all svetlana-on-steroids like at the drop of a hat. so, i intelligently faced my tubby rump fears while kz was out of town (bad idea #1) and tried on my wedding gown alone and after a hearty dinner (bad idea #2).

yeah so i didn't fit. amusingly, my tush has nothing to do with it; that's just fine. the last few inches of the zipper won't go up over my stacked back. and i cried.

so i have my alterations appointment next week; i had been hoping to get out of it with something left in my bank account but this new development sort of shoots that all to hell. i've halted all back-lifting exercises until the wedding and plowed through some girl scout cookies in my dismay. i just hope it can be fixed relatively easily and without major reconstruction.

note to self: bulking up and slimming down - not in the same category.

moving right along

2007-02-11T19:41:00.000-08:00

it's been busy times again.
last weekend we met with our prospective JOP, who was a pretty cool, laconic sharp-eyed and very with-it old gent with a deliciously secular ceremony style and attractive german no-frills efficiency and punctuality. sold! we gave him a deposit and received a copy of his standard fare in the mail, to which we can make minor edits and include our own vows. we also had a small version of our wedding cake made up, which we devoured with the help of kz's family. i was happy with the cake itself but less enchanted with the sweetness of the icing; but after polling other satisfied cake-nibblers and checking with the baker that she doesn't have any less sweet alternatives, i realized i was only going to be eating 1 slice with a pint of guinness anyway, so what the hell.

today, rather than let kz pack for his west coast business trip in a timely fashion, we decided to get haircuts and hit up men's warehouse for some tux shizzy. we decided on black single-breasted, notched lapel single-button tuxes, with ivory point-collar shirts, grey cufflinks, and matte silver/grey vests and neckties. i was confused at the mention of the groom matching me and the ring bearer matching him; i thought they were all supposed to look the same. shows what i know. rather than making kz wear an ivory vest and tie, we just decided that all the boys could look the same. then they brought up the dads, which wasn't something i'd thought of before; we left it at "no for now" but i could already hear my mom being all, "your father doesn't have any decent suits," so i forsee some rental additions in the near future. the people at the store were awesome and really funny; it was a surprisingly enjoyable task.

next we ventured down to mass and hit up a crate and barrel to add to the puny registry i began online. i was hoping kz would get a little more into it, since this is just as much his registry too. and lo and behold, when we hit the kitchen section and surveyed the cast iron and mario batali enamel-coated iron cookware, the boy lit up and scanned those sku's like a madman. i was so excited to see him, well, excited in a housewares store. i got a little lightheaded myself over his agreement on the dishes i liked, and adding new baking pans and sheets. unfortuntely, their in-store scanning and updating user interface leaves something to be desired; when we got home, i discovered that none of our additions (you know, about 2 hours' worth of shopping) hadn't been saved. luckily we had the printouts handy, and i only had to type in and manually add about 50 sku's. it would have been painful, were it not for the thought that i'll be getting new dishes soon and i don't even have to pay for them.
although, whilst there i had planned on buying a registry gift for e$'s upcoming shower and nuptials, but like the sieve-brain i am, i remembered only 5 min after the store closed. so now i'll be paying the $10 shipping on top of the cost of the item as my "stupid forgetful bride-to-be" tax. so be it.

and speaking of e$, i went to get my bridesmaid's dress for her wedding altered at olga's, the store's namesake being this little fireball of an eastern european workaholic who wears high-heeled boots and serious makeup for someone in her 50's, and who likes to make jokes about slicing off my saddlebags with her tailoring shears in order to improve my silhouette. i like her a lot. she's going to take in the bodice of the dress, probably about 3 sizes, and hem it all, for $75 in 2 weeks. i think you can't beat that. i'm seriously considering canceling my appointment with the mysterious and expensive waltham tailor recommended to me by vow's when i bought my wedding gown; and just bringing it up to old olga, who will probably hem and bustle it for about $150. and she'll do it closer to my wedding than the other tailor, because she has faith in her austro-hungarian work ethic, and that would give me more time to wait for the graduate school fairy to knock off those 10 pounds. hmm.

got me some shoes!!!

2007-01-31T15:20:00.000-08:00

first, a huge thank you to my mom, who has spent quite a bit of time on the phone with me helping me make fun of most of the "fashionable" footwear available online. we have developed a unique system of communicating which ass-ugly pump we are actually referring to on our respective computers while we view the various galleries and make these comments.

second, i would like to thank e$, who said "yesyesyes" before i even enlarged the image of THE SHOE while i was hemming and hawing and asking her to weigh in before i bought it. i mean, i buy things. sometimes i like shopping. i can order stuff online, if it's from the gap or old navy and it's something where i know my size in that manufacturer and in that fabric. and cut. ok, so i don't like to order things online that are meant for wearing, generally. because i am a huge tightwad and i like things JUST SO and i don't really believe in returning merchandise unless it is damaged or defective. the "i changed my mind" or "i bought it and it doesn't fit" aren't really in my lexicon. maybe the wrong one of my X chromosomes got silenced, who can say for sure. but e$ is a power shopper and broke it down like this: "dude there's free overnight shipping. dude there's free return shipping. fucking buy it already!" and i thank her for this insight.

i also thank endless.com for having a lot of awesome shoes and things at some reasonable prices.

without further ado (and this makes me think of all the people who write "adoo" or "adieu" in this phrase because they are stupid and incapable of using english), THE SHOES:

fuck yes, my friends. when they arrived yesterday, they were light and comfortable on my end of day, bloated pms feet. i wore them for over an hour as i lounged on the couch in my pajamas and bathrobe. i did not go fetch my laundry in this attire, however, as my neighbors already think i'm weird and i didn't need to hand them any fodder to support this suspicion.

CAKE

2007-01-27T21:30:00.000-08:00

need i say more?

we're all settled. we had the cake tasting this morning...truly, i got way more excited about this than was warranted. i think i forgot that i don't enjoy eating unhealthy things and that cake is sweeter than i remembered. last weekend, amid the impending doom and stress of my molecular genetics final, i spazzed and screwed up our tasting appointment time by an hour, and spent the rest of the evening being consoled out of hysterics. seriously.
i don't care how tomboyish you've been in your life; how many transmissions you've rebuilt, how many organic compounds you've synthesized, nor how many semi-automatic weapons you've fired. when you're a bride to be, and you're planning your own wedding with your usual german exactitude and unflinching perfectionism, you too will dissolve in a limp pile of streaming girl-snot and bitter tears of disappointment and self-loathing when you, yourself, are responsible for getting something completely wrong and feeling utterly overwhelmed by the mountain of work in front of you. and your girlier friends will find it amusing, really. cause you're just like them after all. seriously; enjoy it, cause it'll happen.

but anyway, it all worked out in the end and we made it through the tasting just fine, which was fun but less life-altering than the coronation-style jewels, decadence, opulence, and fanfare i had anticipated. i was envisioning something along the lines of midgets dressed in metallic silks on stilts proffering me petit-fours style pastries on gold-plated trays with a live string quartet and swans circling in a pink fountain spouting champagne. note to self: be more realistic and stop daydreaming in chem bio lecture.

so we've decided on dark chocolate decadence (see?? decadence!!) cake with dark chocolate buttercream filling, and a raspberry-flavored white buttercream frosting. the decorations will be shell and sea themed - the whole cake will be an ivory color with ivory shells and seaweed, and brown sugar sand. and preliminarily, a sandcastle topper. i'll post a picture post-ceremony and give a heads-up credit and review to the baker, too. since we tasted other cake flavors we'd never entertain getting (bailey's, strawberry shortcake, marble cannoli, coconut raspberry) and not the actual flavors we chose, we're getting a mock up made for next weekend to try when we make another RI trip to meet with the justice of the peace. and bridesmaid dresses have been ordered. and now all i obsess over is the never-ending dreadful shoe quest. this is way harder than dress shopping.

i'm really stoked to have the cake contract signed for a more reasonable cost than expected, and so excited about the cake aesthetics - it's exactly what i wanted. but sadly, after years of healthy eating and lately, a particularly vigorous gym schedule, i must say: dessert is overrated. except for carvel cake, with the little crunchies in the middle, which will always have my heart.

shoes and such

2007-01-14T16:53:00.000-08:00

firstly, i would like to display a pic of one of my beautiful bridesmaids, trying on the dress today:

they may not have had the praline grey ribbon on hand, but she looks great in it and i'm so excited. i should be getting swatches from jim hjelm soon, and hopefully can use them to match some other color elements (like the ribbon to the men's ties? be still my heart).

i should also mention that she did an amazing job designing our official wedding website (doubling as our online invitation center/electronic RSVP), which i can't wait to unveil sometime this week when we find hosting for our new domain. it's a work of art! if you ever need some graphic design done, check out her firm, westway studio.

secondly, i would like to breathe a sigh of exasperation about shoes. nothing really goes quite right with my dress. if i had the requisite 800 bucks, i would, without a doubt, buy these brian atwood silk d'orsay pumps (but in an oyster light grey, and sans teri hatcher's busted toes):

i am seriously considering making my own knockoffs; i could get dyeable shoes like these:

and dye them grey or silver, and make the pearl circlets from craft store stuff. i seriously think i could do that.

i'm also thinking about stuff i'm seeing online like these two from chinese laundry, about 50 bux:

or this steve madden creation, reminiscent of my pearl longings, on sale for $50:

i keep finding myself having such expensive taste and being drawn to shoes costing at least $400:

but hell, i can still be spoiled on a budget with these stuart weitzmans on sale for a paltry $100:

so i think i'm going on a mission tomorrow; i already scoured marshalls unsuccessfully a multitude of times; i'm going to hit up DSW and famous footwear and maybe venture to the mall, which may have all new stores for all i know, since i haven't been there in over 6 months. maybe i'll find something. if not, back to online. i can't quite define exactly what i want, but i think the above examples set some good constraits. under $200. open-toed. high-heeled but walkable. strappy. beige or pink or light gold or grey or silver...all could go; but depending on the color saturation, could clash too. it's tough to make decisions with such an organic masterpiece of a dress. bare feet really do go best.

rings and things!

2007-01-06T19:09:00.000-08:00

today we got our rings!!! skip all the hoo-ha and scroll to the bottom to see if you're impatient.

so, despite the recent frenetic pace of fall finals and the holiday season and travel, we've made a lot of progress. while home for a week over xmas, my mems and i did a lot of this and that...assigning guest table numbers to the list on the knot, picking out gifts for the bridal party, discussing hair options (still up in the air)...and i would like to note that the inner turmoil i felt about adding the egregiously priced DKNY duvet cover to my registry was all for naught, because my parents are freaking awesome and surprised me, hardcore, with it as an xmas gift. i kept saying "what? WHAT?" over and over. i don't think i've been that excited on xmas eve since i got the barbie dream house at age 9. i will note that it is dry-clean only (duvet cover, not barbie dream house), which seems quite ridiculous for a bedding item, but i feel so zen when i stroke the hand-embroidered roses atop its satiny green cotton that i forget all about life's little impracticalities:

kz and i had made a balmy thanksgiving day trip down to the beach house to take some measurements, and were fortuitous enough to gain entry into the building while they set up for another wedding, and we really went to work with our tape measure, graphing paper, and iced coffees. i visited home armed with precise measurements of all the inside walls and window/door positions, baseboard heights, deck dimensions, and railing figures (to calculate how many lights we need, wall decorations, and table layout). mems and i held up a swag of a huge bolt of beautiful light sky-blue/grey material she had bought, and figured out what kind of wall decor we could swing. all i have to do is find some dove grey ribbon to tie the swags, and we might be able to make a runner with the excess. last month, mems mailed me a costco member card posthaste, and insisted i go look at their plastic disposable plates as a compromise to the great china vs. paper plate debate. i bought 3 packs, each containing 50 dinner plates and 50 dessert plates, for $18 apiece. they're sturdy and with a pretty silver rim, and really the best option. china rentals are comparable in cost, would have to be washed (by whom? when?) and then returned after the reception; no thanks.

i also left home with a most unexpected, and touching (tear-jerking) gift from my grandma...a double-strand of very short pearls with a beautiful blue-green cabochon clasp, which my mom bought for her in the 60's. it goes amazingly well with the dress. i made them both promise they would wear their own favorite sets of pearls to the wedding, so that we would all be in pearls. something borrowed, and blue...and i didn't even think i was going to do that whole thing. we are well into sap mode; there is no going back now.

i finally booked the night before and night of the wedding at our block-reserved hotel, deciding that being in the area the day before and having a clean, quiet place to get ready the morning of was better than saving the money and doing a 2.5 hour drive down on the day of the wedding. my family made their reservations too, and kz's is in progress...and once all the families have rooms, i can finally send out the save the dates and open it up to everyone else. we've also decided on electronic invitations only; we'll be emailing and have registered a domain for an official wedding webpage for all the usual information and an online RSVP.

next up: some harassing of the bridesmaids to make sure they're still on board and are on their way to getting the dresses; checking out local tux chains to see what sort of less formal, grey tuxes they may have and if kz can find anything he likes; finding shoes (i actually FOUND shoes, utterly perfect shoes - they're just $800. brian atwood silk d'orsay grey pumps in oyster with pearl clusters. le sigh); getting the website up; sending off the finalized catering contract with a payment; scheduling my initial fitting, which i am putting off as long as possible, thanks to the 15 pounds i got as a gift from the first year grad school fairy; and making a weekend trip to RI to choose a cake (traditional or ice cream?) and meet with the JOP we're probably having so we can work on some ceremony ideas. i had a teary bombay sapphire-fueled breakdown at a party last month, wondering how in the hell everything was going to work - chairs on the beach? moved back into the party? seating people? greeting guests? decorating and setting up tables? cleaning up at the end of the night? - and was assured by all my wonderful friends that, whether a part of the wedding party or not, they'd all pitch in to make sure everything got done. that made me cry some more. i love my friends.

this shit is all really epic. and we've still got 4.5 months to go.

so, i'll stop beating around the bush - today we picked out and ordered our rings. i recently changed my mind about the bling factor. for xmas, kz got me beautiful aquamarine studs, which match my engagement ring, to wear on the wedding day. before, i had thought the wedding ring was my last chance to pick something with some rocks and some shine, as the last major jewelry event in my life. i'm not sure why i thought that, but kz reminded me that it might be nicer to have something good for daily wear, durable and simple; something i can leave on during the next transmission swap and not remove when i'm mixing noxious chemicals in the lab. and if we got bands, they could be matching. and after the reception of the earrings, he said he was positively reinforced about buying me jewelry. well, i just about melted and got my head out of my ass and agreed with him. and i forgot i have about another 60 years or more to pine for shiny gifts from him. it honestly never occured to me. so, we came to an easy and excited agreement over matching 14k white gold beveled bands, in 4mm and 6mm:

these are quite close to what we wound up choosing. we haven't finalized what we're getting engraved, but you can bet it will be vomitingly cute, i guarantee it. i am so excited to wear something that is simple, will look good when i'm 50, can stay on my hand 24-7, and really says, "hey! i'm married!". plus we found a really great local jeweler i'm sure we'll use again; it was a productive and exhausting day, but we're goofily excited and happy about having one of the most important things decided upon and so satisfied that we were in such blissful agreement about it. but why would i expect anything else from the love of my life? :)

more decisionmaking

2006-11-10T18:26:00.000-08:00

i've been on a roll.

so, 2 out of the 3 bridesmaids have responded to my query about whether this dress will do, since this jim hjelm happened to be just about the only one my mom and i both liked:

and in that color, with the grey sash (i mean in lagoon, with a praline sash. now i'm hungry). props to e$ for introducing me to JH during the seach for her bridesmaid dresses.

anyway, then i also browsed for some floral ideas, since apparently not everything grows in the ground at the same time of year. i timidly mentioned freesias and ranunculus, and though kz overhead and said, 'what? freezers are ridonculous?,' apparently i had chosen wisely, because the memmies seemed to agree. and had the idea of forget-me-nots to put the "blue" into the equation. i found a site online where you can order by the bunch and put together your own arrangements. which i figure any fool could do with some scotch tape and rubber bands, but i think i'd better let a pro (the memmies) handle it. if anyone could make a gorgeous array of blooms look lopsided and contrived, it would be me.

so, things are really on a roll. we also have centerpieces, thanks to the memmies, again:

they are big plaster-cast sea-like objects. and greyish glass goblets to hold some flowers:

next on the list is to get my ears pierced, so that by the time may rolls around i'll be able to wear some earrings if it turns out that would go with whatever the hell i decide to do with my hair. either something simple and down with a side part, with perhaps some tiny flowers in place of a tiara (puke):

or some crazy, intricate yet elegant updo, which i am always in favor of:

but then there's always that middle of the road compromise, the half updo (again, nix that tiara and sprinkle in a tight band of baby roses):

and then i might still be able to do a veil.

ok, i'm spent. more some other time.

know your colors, ladies

2006-11-05T17:57:00.000-08:00

thanks to my mom for helping me pull my head out of my ass. i like lots of colors. for different things. i like painting. i like wearing so many bright things all at once that people think i'm crazy or retarded, or both. but i was petrified to "pick MY COLORS" for the wedding, as though i could possibly lay claim to two hues in a combination that had never been paired before in all the history of crazy women and their enterprises.

so, i think we have something to work with, finally. a blue-grey, like a dove grey but with some cornflower in it, and a light sky blue to highlight it. if you really want a better idea, you can check out these swatches - the combo of dusty blue and the light blue above it - but the exact colors really will depend on from whom we decide to get our dresses. props to my mom for making me think of ocean colors (like, oh my god, it's on a beach, get it??). i think i want something a light delicate pink, like baby roses, in my boquet and in my hair. which i'm still working on - finding a way to wear it down without pissing me off all night. we're thinking guys in grey suits; how light or dark, i don't know. bridesmaids in one of the blues; i'd like it to be a simple, spaghetti-strap or strapless empire waisted sheath in the darker blue with a light blue sash, and then some blue flowers (a few iris stalks maybe?) god only knows. reading about the many types of flowers and when they are in season and how they are priced was like the day i found out that rainbow trout, steelhead trout, and salmon are all the same kind of fish. what the hell?

i am also browsing wedding rings. for myself; kz can figure out his own amish titanium band without any of my assistance, i'm sure. i always thought i was a pretty plain person who preferred unadornment until kz got me my beautiful engagement ring. let me refresh your memory:

so now, natch, i want something with more ROCKS in it but that's still not expensive. sure, i can have it all; i always do. this is seeming pretty hot right now:

so something along those lines; or this would do:

i don't need any more shit

2006-10-28T15:04:00.000-07:00

but holy hell, am i excited at the thought of getting a dyson vacuum cleaner. now that i know i can get stuff simply by getting married, i don't know if i can wait that long. i guess we just can't vacuum till may. why bother?

it's true, though. we have a lot of crap. we both have cool moms with good taste who like to "stock up" on things when they are on sale. picture coals and newcastle. and they keep stocking up, so some things have to wind up somewhere...so i came out of the womb with placesettings and a complete set of dinnerware. and we don't even live in a house; we only have a paltry 1000 ft^2 to house all this donated opulence. i'm honestly not complaining now. it's nice to be surrounded by the trappings of adulthood, even if i have to dust it all.

but it makes creating a registry a difficult thing. i'm not some trailer-shack barbie whose 17 year old fantasy is a matching dishwasher-safe plastic margarita glass and pitcher set; nor am i some urban actuary with corporate dinner guests to entertain (napkin rings? bitch, please). had we a garage, we would seriously try to register for autoparts. maybe it's a good thing we don't.

and can it be true? i'm registering at sears to get nifty appliances on the cheap, but i think we don't need to hit up anymore craftsman merchandise? how can we possibly have enough tools? i never thought this day would come. it's sort of depressing. having enough tools is a state of being i did not think was achievable.

but am i really supposed to register at pottery barn and ask my loyal friends to buy me a $129 vase of unremarkable decor? i fucking hope not. i couldn't find a single thing there i'd want to have, even if i didn't pay for it myself.

the only unreasonably pricey item i'd love to ask for, but won't out of sheer utilitarianism, is the DKNY urban garden duvet cover i've salivated over since i was 18. $300 for something guaranteed to stain and rip and fade in the wash? i want to be able to keep doing my homework in bed.
in sharpie.

still plugging away

2006-09-29T15:00:00.000-07:00

update: still getting married. surviving the first month of grad school has wiped most things matrimonial out of my mind, but i'm slowly coming back.

went to the crazy boston bridal expo with e$ at the beginning of the month and only made it through with the help of some gin and tonic. also stole a bottle of red wine left unattended at the hotel. which was still not as funny as when we and another of e$'s bridesmaids brown-bagged some harpoons in her car in the parking lot of good vibrations in brookline (this was midday, mind you). wedding planning and alcoholism, are we seeing a trend here...

still getting so much crap email, phone calls, and junk mail from the expo. i did win $300 off laser hair removal. which might just cover my big toe. and i got called about this nutty 21st century bride thing, where you "totally won" 2 nights in a holiday inn in "several desirable destinations," $500 in coupons, and 30% off of some online crap. the catch: you have to go to a 2 hour seminar and be powersold on some "safe" cookware for $$$ that if you don't buy, you might end up poisoning your offspring with your evil teflon products. so, we passed on that after looking up the scam online. what slimeballs.

the hotel contracts are signed; save the dates should go out sometime in the next month if kz and i ever get moving; the caterers are on board and i'll be calling them again in november to give them a final breakdown of the menu so they can get a contract to me. also chose our fake-honeymoon destination and need to book the 2 nights after the wedding. and i need to let someone know that i can't take the cellular biochem exam that friday. cause i'll be busy getting married. i heard from the admin staff that nobody has ever missed an exam for that reason before. it made me feel kind of country, but not in a reba way; in a coal miner's daughter way. bleh. i keep forgetting i'm actually an adult.

and, i'm in the process of changing my cumbersome hyphenated last name. i figure better to get all that straightened out before we do the marital paperwork and file joint taxes. it's ironic to me; legally changing my own name before we get married, and then keeping it. how iconoclastic.

brain dump

2006-08-03T14:30:00.000-07:00

so it's been awhile, and i really enjoyed a few weeks of stressing about something else (the last month at my job) than the wedding. but, back to wedding stress.

so a few days ago i called some local motels to find out what off-season rates might be and whether they could hook me up with a block of 10 rooms or so, and if they would mind some raucous revelery (namely, unfinished kegs) when we moved the party from the reception to our place of accomodation. i never got that far into the conversation; every last motel, hotel, inn, or B&B in the vicinity of the beach club is booked up. why, you ask? this pesky little event called the U of RI graduation. "oh, yeah, that's like a sell-out weekend for us; it's considered a holiday, and rates usually double or triple. good luck finding anywhere that has a block of rooms." thank you kind sir, would you like to go ahead and drop trou and just piss on my wedding cake while you're at it?

after some hyperventilating and a 5-minute bathroom stall focus session, i returned to my desk teary but resolute. with the support of e$, i went through all sorts of bad ideas (party bus, camping), all of which proved unfeasible after i made a few phone calls to salient parties - and in a way, i was quite relieved; i had visions of shaking pine needles out of my gown, or being arrested for disturbing the peace of the quiet woodlands, or sitting in a puddle of stripper oil on a party bus seat, or the stretch limo turning into the vomit comet...

so, after riding the rollercoaster i have two decent options in the works.

option A: a hampton inn in a town about 20 min north. i booked a block of 20 rooms at $129/night; there's a denny's and a cracker barrel right across the street, which would help bring my post-nuptial morning after "gang brunch" plans into fruition.

option B: a courtyard marriott a little further north, near the airport; booked 10 rooms at $179/night. it's cheaper than i thought. they said if kz and i stayed there, we could get a free upgrade to a room with a jacuzzi (tempting, but reference stripper oil comment above). they said they'd have welcome bags with snacks, directions, and amenities for all our guests. they have a free shuttle to the airport, which would make it nice for guests flying in. i thought most people would need to rent a car, but they also said they could hook me up with a shuttle service that could bring ~20 people at a time down to the beach club. i don't know how much $$ that is, but it could be a good idea. either way, now i need to figure out where kz and i, my family, and my closest friends want to stay and if 10 rooms is sufficient. the 50 bux extra is probably worth it in terms of how much nicer it'll be. maybe we can have brunch there if they have their own restaurant. hmm.

so things are looking up, a lot. i feel tons better. booking blocks of rooms feels kind of like buying on credit. "what? 10, you say? aw hell, double it; indeed, i have lots of friends. yes. no deposit? i say, triple it!" and then you feel like you just got a good deal. maybe i should get into stocks, too. thin air is enticing.

the save-the-date thing is almost underway; getting some last email addresses before i send it all out. i am so tempted to include riduculous things like grandmotherly admonitions ("bring a sweater! it'll still be cold at night!"), warnings ("no your children are NOT invited! do you have to bring your husband too? i don't even know him, jeez") and threats ("if you want an invitation, send me your damn address! or else you can't come!"). but i think brevity will prevail.

and i'm pretty set on the post-wedding, pre-honeymoon honeymoon. like, neither can we nor do we want to jet off to europe or the tropics the day after we tie the knot; between money, stress, and time, it just can't happen. but i don't want to go home and do the dishes the next morning just like always, either. so after some great advice from aquashox, we're looking at little nooks in the white mountains, my favorite so far being the kearsarge inn. i am getting really excited about the idea of a relaxing, quiet weekend together where we can do as little as we like and just focus on creature comforts - good food, fresh air, natural beauty. i think it'll be great, and then in 6 months to a year or so we can go somewhere exhorbitantly expensive and pack in all sorts of crazy sightseeing and trekking for an entire week. and part of me thinks we may never get around to that.

i'm booking hotel rooms and planning fake honeymoons. this shit is really happening!

vogue!

2006-07-10T15:50:00.000-07:00

so, i picked up the diaphenous silk embodiment of my life savings on saturday. the solo drive to waltham was extremely warm and thelma-and-louise-esque in its epicness. except for the cliffs and the dying, and the nude brad pitt. but like, it was monumental in the sisterhood vein, is what i'm trying to say.

so i need to give vow's some props for bring a good store with good service and great inventory (www.bridepower.com; you CAN get a vera wang, you go girl! or gurl! whatever, just buy your damn dress).

so it's here; in my very house, at this moment. and it's totally mine. my first-date-like quivers and apprehension moved towards timid acceptance and, ultimately, a somewhat anti-climactic finale of signing the credit slip and hoisting the hanger into my sweaty palm. triumph was mine, however, as i marched down the street, arm outstretched way above my head, buckling from the weight of all those ivory shantung ripples on display through the clear dress bag to the whole world. that's right, fuckers, this is MY DRESS! and i am GETTING MARRIED! but i think they were just watching me for my parking space. i still basked in that spotlight. strike a pose!

btw

2006-07-05T14:48:00.000-07:00

so yeah we're still getting married and everything, and i have actually done plenty of work the last few weeks. but i have nothing to show for it other than a rapidly dwindling savings account and sense of calm before the storm.

beach house deposit and tent fee (omg so expensive for 30x30' tent) sent along with rental application on monday. dress is being picked up and remaining 90% of price debited on saturday (gasp). i decided not to go get it during lunchbreak at work because i can't handle the idea of my 6 months of savings sitting in the backseat of my stinky car in the dark, musty garage where throngs of pernicious dress-snatchers skulk about malevolently. no, i need to go directly home and secure it in some cask of amantillado-esque safe. by which i mean my hall storage closet. behind the air conditioner.

-fin-

2006-06-13T15:19:00.000-07:00

and done. sort of.

went to vow's at lunch break today (never drove that fast on the pike before) and visited my dress. tried it on again, just to be sure; yep, i'm sure. man, that was easy.

i even took better pix, with a real camera, but won't post here for kz's sake so he won't "spoil it for himself" (i have never understood the whole not seeing the dress before the wedding thing, but apparently it is a big deal; judging, at least, from the strangled cries and trembling hands held over eyes in terror demonstrated by katsu anytime e$ even mentions the "d" word). so if you're burning up with curiosity and must see the rather oustanding way my dress flows in ripples when viewed from the side, then shoot me an email and i will send them to you.

only another 30 days until i drain my savings account. i almost want to say, i can't wait :)

resolution and denouement

2006-06-10T15:36:00.000-07:00

so i'm getting the pricey, beautiful work of art from the previous post. i put the 5-day hold deposit down on it yesterday.

thanks to mems and daddums, who are willing to help a brother out with dress financing.

just to be sure, e$ and i went back to marry and tux today to try on the next-best-dress. it was still pretty, but definitely not me; way too fancy, way too fussy, and too formal for bare feet and kz not in a tux. it's so good to have your thoughts confirmed. thanks e$! she also looked lovely in one of their dresses but i agree with her - she needs "something more" and i really hope she finds it on her paloma blanca quest this week - i'm crossing my fingers!! and the sash is all you, dude!

i also discovered that the dress i liked there was actually a slightly different style than the one i posted before; so i lied. it's this, but not in monstrous infected wound color, but in ivory.

while the drop waist is very nice, this dress is meant for cinderella dress-up, not sabominator's beach soiree with barbecue. bustling it would be a bitch, and the make quality paled in comparison to the liv harris dreamsicle of a gown below (which is a better approxmiation of the one i'm getting; thanks for finding it, mom):

i also tried on another of her dresses which was quite lovely, but not as perfect as the one above:

i really like her designs and the material. it makes me happy.

so, back to vow's on tuesday to try on the dress one last time before it goes off to the cleaner's (boy, do they understand that even if you put a non-refundable 10% down, you still want to put it on one last time). i'll take some real pictures this time but won't be sharing them with kz, to leave him something to the imagination for the big day.

it's done! i can't believe how quickly i found the right thing, and how easy it was to make a decision.

holy fuxxx

2006-06-08T20:08:00.000-07:00

so it's late, i am tired after working 7-5.30, sitting on the pike headed into the city for an hour in gridlock, meeting up with e$ to try on some discount designer gowns at vow's in watertown, and meeting up with tcitb crew for beers and chow at paddy-o's. but this post must be made.

*warning to all things bear-like: do not see pix below if you want to stay surprised about wedding day dresses*

i was so ready to buy the amazing dress i tried on in nashua, the one 2 posts below. but i figured with a year to go, it would be premature to not try on a few more dresses (why? because how else could i torture myself with more to stress about?). so tonight i tried on this amazing dress; it was sandy ivory colored, looked great with my hair and the whole beach/barefoot idea. it was extremely "me"; different, kind of boho-artsy, relaxed, natural - somehow just very organic...it was light, comfortable, and elegant. here's cell phone pix of the front view:

and back view:

a less hazy pic of the dress:

which is in a different color and has a huge ghey bow, which i would not have, natch.
so this place works like this: they have what they have, in the size there, and you buy it before someone else does. they alter, but you can't be all "omg i love this, can i get another size, or what about that thing you had last week." what's there is there; life moves on. this thing zipped up on me perfectly and was like it was made for me; very little would need to be changed.

are you wondering why i didn't put down a deposit already and why i'm going on and on about it? because it's motherfucking $1650, that's why.

sixteen hundred and fifty dollars!!!

if price were no matter, i think i would buy it. but the almost as awesome dress in nashua being only $700 kind of sways me in that direction. that dress is a lot fancier though, and less like it sprang from some mythological matrimonial ocean wave like aphrodite. le sigh.

anyway. so i'm all conflicted and expect to remain so until e$ gets her cute little bum up to nashua this weekend to try on some stuff up here with me and give me a much-needed reality check.

and now those 2 beers i had with dinner are really getting to me. bedtime, off to dream of silk shantung rippling down in a cascade like ribbons of butterscotch pudding. ooh.

it's on!!

2006-06-06T07:27:00.000-07:00

so unless something goes really, really stupid or wrong, we are getting hitched on friday, may 18, 2007.

if you read this blog you probably wanted to know. so pencil it in; save-the-date announcements will be forthcoming once the deposit is paid and the contract is signed.

I'M SO FREAKING EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!

tentative date????

2006-06-05T12:27:00.000-07:00

so this weekend much was accomplished with little effort; kz and i went down to RI to visit his fam, and to placate my mood (e.g. ensure his future health and safety), we swung by the beach club with his mom to poke around and get a sense of what this place is like. the day before i'd been watching wedding disaster shows (always a wise choice, like watching emergency c-section footage when you're newly preggers) and was practically despondent about weather woes, temperatures, heat or a/c...all the things you have a maniacal compulsion to control but for some reason, have your heart set on an outdoor shindig. why? because the XX, my friend, is always irrational.

anyway so here we are, me and kz's mom, grinning happily in front of the clubhouse and on the wide expanse of extremely dance-able deck, right on the freaking beach!!! yes!!

so this place is awesomer than i ever imagined; heat, a/c, some kitchen facilities, huge room with wooden floor great for dinner, that ginormous deck for drinking and dancing under the stars...and the beach, just down the steps; nuptials at the water's edge and photos on the lifeguard chair. i'm so there!

so after a zillion phone calls today and list making and much sighing and foot-tapping and knee jiggling and "gawd!" exclamations, i got ahold of the right person and found out what was available. such was my excitement that not only did i forget to ask the 9 questions i had written in front of me, but i also managed to tentatively book the friday of memorial day weekend.

calendar skills are not my strong point.

but, if need be, we can bump it to the friday before. whatev; this is the first big step, and i've finally taken it.

even if i wind up having to back up a little and do it over...

reassessing the dress

2006-05-26T15:23:00.000-07:00

so last night erin and i hit up david's bridal like we meant it. although my primary reason for going was to get a bridesmaid's dress for my friend andrea's august wedding, trying on some bridal gowns whilst there could do no harm.

so this is the bridesmaid's dress i ended up with; the offensive silver brooch will meet a pair of scissors once it arrives:

i did try on the corset oleg cassini dress i have been obsessing over - for some value of "try on," when it's 2 sizes too small; it's as gorgeous as i thought and i would really like to see it actually ON me. i might be making a trip down to the warwick DB's where they have it in a plumper size.

surprisingly, this dress, which did not catch my attention online at all, jumped off the rack at me due to its sandy coloring and antique lace motif, which has been really speaking to me lately. i know, all my pals keep saying "i never figured you for lace or corsets," but motherfucker, my name DOES mean "princess" and i can't sleep anywhere but my own bed. at least, not without whining. so is the lace really all that surprising? i may rebuild transmissions but i do adore a good pedicure.

anyway, this dress looked bitchin on me, if i do say so myself:

minus the veil and pout, to be sure.

anyway, feeling like an old pro by this point, i swung by marry and tux in nashua this afternoon to drop in and "browse." which meant i tried on like 5 dresses or so, just before they closed. i like this place so much better; they are nice, they have good taste, their dresses are classier, and all their size 10's fit me enough to at least prance around.
i liked this dress a lot, in a champagne color which really brought out the lace:

then on a whim i checked out a sweetheart neckline boned corset bodice with an elongated waist and a huge skirt with starbust gathers and crystals. sounds intense; it was. and holy shit i looked freaking awesome in it; seriously, totally, princess diaries awesome, enough that it should be illegal:

let me just say to the more reasonable of you out there (ahem, mom), i do indeed realize that this is a barefoot, beach wedding with kegs and bbq. but seriously, i see no reason why i can't be completely all-out with my dress and get what i want, regardless of how over the top it is for the occasion. i think "it's my day" will become a mantra i use to defend indefensible positions; maybe i should adopt that pout and vacant bitchy look in the above models when i say it, and then stomp my foot and demand some ice cream. why not?

but forilla, whatever looks best on me, makes me feel the most beautiful, is manageable, and lastly, doesn't break the bank will do it. the lacy david's bridal number is $1200, ack! but that huge cream puff o'satin that i looked so great in was like, under $700.

and i have decided i am extremely fond of organza.
another interesting thing: i picked a bunch of dresses out of scores on the rack, only by how they looked - i did not note designer, price, etc. but all the ones i picked ended up being by maggie sottero (whom my very knowledgeable pal terr, who looked goregous in her maggie at her wedding, did indeed recommend to me). so i'm going to have to keep an eye out for more of her stuff.

i feel satisfied! and girly! and kind of pretty.
i did go to the autozone next door as soon as i was done trying those on, though.

and back to plan A

2006-05-22T06:07:00.000-07:00

hokay, so - now i am back to the original, more sabominator-esque plan of barefoot beach wedding, good brew, good food, lots of friends.

now that we've found out that the beach club in RI will let us BYOB and we don't need to hire a bartender or cops, i'm all about this plan. that means we can have kegs o'plenty of some quality beers, fine wines, and lots of microbrew bottles sitting in kiddie pools of ice and sand, decked out all tropical. i think the tropical thing will end up being the "theme." i mean, can't really have fine linens and china in a beach cabana.

so it's great, we can actually afford this now! i don't need to cut my guest list in half! i can feed everyone bitchin clambake buckets for way cheaper than overcooked veal scallopini or what have you. we can spend more money on good food and drinks and have it all our way; now maybe we can afford a tasty cake, too. i'm still hung up on this ice cream cake idea.

all i need to do is iron out the particulars (e.g. make sure JOP's and caterers will work on whatever sundays are available next season) and then we can set a date. hoo-rah!

i feel better about this than i have in weeks; the stomach knot is gone.

albany style?

2006-05-16T04:18:00.000-07:00

so now i have this new idea that i'm actually pretty excited about. get married at the alumnae chapel of my high school; it's the only chapel i could handle, because it's non-denominational and used as a public meeting place; every christmas we had vespers there; every fall and spring, baccalaureate and commencement. i have such happy memories of my years there and a real attachment to the architechture; the first day i visited for my interview when i was 13, i cried because it was so immense and imposing. by the time i graduated, i knew every nook and cranny and my eyes burn with nostalgia whenever i watch one of the movies in which the campus was featured.

i considered this idea a couple of months ago but abandoned it because i thought, where would i have the reception in albany? bleh. unless they could do it on the grounds, but then there's weather, outside catering...meh.

until my mom, bless her soul, reminded me that i used to love this place called the crooked lake house, which is on a beautiful lake a 20 min drive or so from the school. i'd had dinner there with my mom and grandma a few times, and also once with my dear professor and mentor, who is now quite ill and i hope will be able to come to my wedding...so it has a special meaning to me. this place is gorgeous; it's rustic, elegant, quiet and set in nature; the food sounds perfect. it had closed for a while to all our dismay, but just reopened under new management and they seem enthusiastic to host a reception.
the photos are being dumb, so here's a link to the

outside

and the

ballroom

i can just imagine that decorated with some simple flowers and having some big band era music while people mill about onto the terraces and stuff.

i'm still hoping 5 grand or so will make this all happen; i don't know how much the chapel costs yet, but i could have a serious affair for 50 people for around 3 grand at the lake house; it would include:

-a montage! (of crazy fruits, cheeses, savory side dishes, etc)
-butlered hors d'oeuvres, choice of 4
-salad
-entrees, choice of 3; currently first in mind are the mushroom strudel with gruyere and sauteed spinach, salmon with maple mustard glaze and creamed leek sauce, and roasted top round with bordelaise or pork loin with cider reduction and apple compote...yum!
-OPEN wine, beer, and soda bar for all 5 hours!!!

so that's about $65 pp. i think it's reasonable and if they are anything like the old owners, the food will be great. i think this merits a tasting trip.

so i'm finally actually envisioning something! and i like it! and it's something i wouldn't mind spending several grand on! that's a big step for me. there are definitely other venues (in other states!) to be considered but i don't think i'll know where this event really "belongs" until i go visit them...

stage 3: depression

2006-04-27T14:11:00.000-07:00

so i'm sure this is exactly how it happens. disbelief (wtf i'm going to get married? i'm not old yet!), some excitement (now i get to throw a great party with my friends and have an excuse to go somewhere tropical), and then depression. how can i/we afford this? like at all? i was lucky enough to live in douchebag innocence until now...i didn't realize how much these things cost. i thought i could have 100 people someplace relaxing outdoors, feed them bbq and keg beer, have a little matrimony happen midday, and toast the sunset playing volleyball and having a good time. all for about 4 grand or so - i mean why not? but no, it seems 10k gets you something conservative, a no-frills in-and-out procedure. with bud light.

the bugs up my ass:

1) land. i don't want some smoky VFW-like reception hall with lace doilies and mediocre lima bean veggie sides. i want a wide open beach, bonfires, blankets in the sand, or a grassy park with picnic tables and grills. state parks in MA and RI say no booze. i heard a chick got married in an NH park and just had to pay police officers to be there for the alcohol. she actually had a pretty ideal wedding, and it cost 15-18k. they didn't even have a cake. if i had good friends/relatives nearby with a nice large backyard, i feel like i would be halfway there.

2) weather. if i do this shizzy outdoors, i can't control the weather. that means i need one of those gay tents. which i'm sure costs more than my car did. literally.
if i do it indoors, where that isn't the tackiest, most expensive wasteland?

3) booze. gotta have it or nobody will come, and i don't blame them cause i wouldn't either. i can't stand the idea of dropping loads of cash to give my friends the "$5 per dixie cup, mostly ice and shit liquor" bar. i can't afford an open bar either. what i want is to bring my own kegs and cans of decent brews. nowhere will let you do that.

4) food. if have to drop a hojillion dollars on a place to serve it, i can't pay for good food. why eat? why not throw trashbags of powerbars at the doors and say, dig in if you get snacky?

all this mades me sad. if i'm going to go into debt over it, which it appears is unavoidable, i'd at least like it to be memorable and fun. that would double my cost though. and who wants to go 7 grand in debt for a taco bell wedding? fuck that.

so yeah we should just elope. unfortunately that's lost all appeal to me. sure, let's drop 2 grand on a trip to yuppie mecca where i can sweat my balls off in a dress wrinkled from overhead storage. then some stranger can take a picture of us smiling, and put his thumb in the corner, and then we can use that as a christmas card. "yeah look we really did get married. how about that. after this picture we went off ot our hotel room and remaked upon how anti-climactic it all was to be herded through the plastic wicker matrimonial arch like cattle, with all the other couples. most romantic thing ever." and then what, throw a party when we get back...to the tune of more money. now we're back at square one with a huge $ estimate. and i got married in some benighted land by the jiffy-lube of priests, and nobody was even there to be happy with us. and i bet the beer sucked.

i see no point to doing more than walking down to the JOP after breakfast some morning and signing on the dotted line if my friends and family aren't going to be around to have a good time and celebrate with us.

all this makes me think maybe it would be better to wait till i'm done with school and can actually afford a semi-decent affair without signing up for food stamps. and by then i'll probably be preggers, that's hot. or have a kid already. they could be the flower girl, how cute.

puke.

and so the cycle of misery and disbelief continues to swim in my head.

is sand and palm trees so much for ask for?

2006-04-20T13:56:00.000-07:00

i spent at least 2 hours today looking up potential "honeymoon destinations." i don't like the word 'honeymoon' very much; it makes me think of that tv show and also the term "honeymoon cystitis," which is enough to get anybody in the mood.

we never vacation though. like we have never travelled anywhere exotic together, nor have we ever gone anywhere for more than a long weekend. don't get me wrong, all these rallies and going to montreal for the gp are my lifeblood. but after sweating my balls off in a heavy dress and going broke to feed each of my 100 friends 2 dixie cups of warm beer, i think i'm going to want to loaf on a beach alongside some crystal clear waters for a few days. because if we don't do it now, it will never happen. EVER. cause if you need a reason like a wedding to take a real vacation, chances are you will never get another sufficient reason again. life past 25 consists of a series of reasons to not ever do anything fun again, but at least you get to pick their names and dress them in cute outfits.

so i checked out some places that swim in my mind when i think of exotic beaches i can't afford. bora bora. fiji. the seychelles. antigua. aruba. maldives. i have to visit a tropical island before i die. and i would rather do it before i become a creaky wrinkled old bag.

these places looked pretty sweet

tahiti

fiji

seychelles

st thomas

i mean all i really want is to stay in a hut like this:

and it could be in the florida keys for all i care.
but really, is $1-2 grand a person for 7 days, including airfare, too much? it seems reasonable to me, and i'm cheap.

i can't tell you the physical reaction i get when i look at these pictures. i'm ready to quit my job and go bartend like tom cruise in cocktail, only i never would have cheated on elisabeth shue.
but seriously, how can you not want to go there?

more vacation ideas to follow, with less of the fruity cocktail umbrella-ish-ness.

every chick's first item of business

2006-04-19T15:16:00.000-07:00

the dress.

for some, an entire lifetime spent nagging someone else to take out the trash and keep newspapers off the bed is built around this one article of clothing worn to the commitment ceremony. i think we should just have bridal gown mudwrestling on halloween to save time and money.

but, since society is slow to evolve with me, here are some ideas.

this is the hottest thing i have ever seen. i want to look that good in something. alas, the way i'm built, i will probably look pregnant with hip tumors in this number:

but i will try it on one of these days. i already know i look pretty smoking in one of these types:

i like ivory and champagne colors so far, with as little puerto-rican style sequins as possible. amazing how froufy embroidery and beading looks like hell on the rack and pretty damn good on you.

and i pretty much decided, right away, that i want my hair like this broad, only with a cream colored ribbon across the crown of my head instead of a tiara (ick). pay no attention to her ass-ugly dress, though:

some other things i have figured out:
no veil.
no tiara (natch).
no necklace.
no shoes. pedicure though.
no gloves, good god no gloves.
if i have a train, it's getting chopped off or bustled.
i'm doing my own makeup.
i think i'm leaving my lip ring in.

welcome to my vaginally pink dungeon

2006-04-19T14:47:00.000-07:00

this blog is pink because it's girly. what i'm going to do here is girly too - i intend to keep track of the mundane musings of a bride-to-be over the next howevermany months until we get married (what, you think i have a date picked or something?).

primarily, this blog is for the ladies in my life (momz, momz-to-be, chick friends, chick-like guy friends, my several man-wives) to peruse at their leisure. that way i won't have to be like, "omg go to david's bridal dot com, click on the 76th dress under this designer - yeah, i like that color." i'm going to vomit up every pretty picture, every pleasing floral arrangement, every retarded placesetting (wtf is a placesetting please?) and every potential venue and list of liquors i'm thinking about making a part of the grand day.

for someone who never thought about getting married, said "oh shit, really?" about the proposal, and only 2 weeks ago decided upon wearing a gown, this is going to be interesting, trust me.