breaking it down for posterity

when i was planning how in the hell we were going to afford this whole thing, i loved to check out sample budgets in books like "beautiful weddings for $5,000 or less." they ended up not helping too much - the major savings usually came from wearing your mom's dress (not an option) or doing it in your rich grandma's backyard on the chesapeake (sadly, not an option).
so here's a loose estimate of what we spent on what; some items are left out because it would be uncouth for me to post what they cost (for example, we snagged our amazing photographer before she had expanded her portfolio and adjusted her rates, which she should have because she was a steal; and our DJ was a personal friend of ours who had DJ's major events and is a radio personality, but hadn't been a wedding DJ before). since both of these people will likely continue in the wedding industry, i'm not going to compromise them by posting a number.

SITE
-beach club rental: $650 (resident rate)
-tent and sidewalls: $775

FOOD
-rehearsal dinner: gift of kz's parents

-BBQ catering, 110 people: $2443
-cake, delivered: $430
-cases of beer, softdrinks: $450
-ice for buckets: gift of kz's family
-boxes o'joe from dunkies: gift of kz's parents

DECORATIONS AND EQUIPMENT
-wooden arbor decorated with peonies: gift of kz's parents
-centerpieces and vases for 12 tables: gift of sabs' parents
-hanging wall swags and ribbons: gift of sabs' parents
-rope lighting (internet): $200
-flowers for 12 tables and bridesmaids (internet): $354
-bridal bouquet: gift of kz's parents
-misc craft store purchases (flower wire, hangers, seashells): $350
-sand dollars for place cards (ebay): $75

-extra chair and tables, table cloth rentals: $350
-half the plastic plates and silverware: gift of sabs' parents
-remaining plates and stainless silverware, cups and napkins, ice buckets: $360

-website (online invitation/rsvps): gift of bridesmaid (westwaystudio.com)


ATTIRE
-wedding rings (white gold): $800
-bridal gown: gift of sabs' parents
-custom-made veil: $150
-alterations (bustle only) and dress press fee: $170
-shoes: $109
-dress-specific undergarments: $60
-kz's tux: free with other tux rentals
-wedding dress cleaning/preservation: $170

-bridal hair trial and day-of 'do: $75
-polish and pedicure: $40
-makeup products (too many sephora trips): $150
-lingerie: $175

PROFESSIONALS
-photographer
-DJ
-officiant: $200

LODGING
-2 nights before wedding: $250
-long weekend minimoon package in the white mountains (3 nights, jacuzzi room): $680
-minimoon food and activities (mt washington cog railway, etc): $500

MISC
-bridal party and moms gifts (pashminas, etc): $300
-bride and groom gifts for each other: $200


SOURCES (would highly recommend):

bridal gown: vow's, watertown, ma (bridepower.com)
veil and alterations: alterations by anahit, watertown, ma
shoes: endless.com
tuxes: men's wearhouse (menswearhouse.com)
bridesmaid dress selection: jim hjelm (jlmcouture.com/jim_hjelm)
bridesmaid dress discount bulk ordering: RK bridal, nyc, ny (rkbridal.com)
bridesmaids/moms cashmere pashminas: amazingcollections.com
rings: burque's jewelers, nashua, nh (burques.com)
wedding gown cleaning/preservation: wedclean (wedclean.net)

bbq catering: redbones, somerville, ma (redbones.com)
cake: diane's delectables, pawtucket, ri (dianesdelectables.com)
officiant: former judge p.k. rose, coventry, ri (justiceofthepeace-rhodeisland.com)
arbor peonies and bridal bouquet: hisa's flowers, narragansett, ri (hisasflowers.com)
rope lighting: coolstuffcheap.com
equipment rentals: taylorrental.com
online flower order: 2groses.com
customized online map: weddingmapper.com

hotel for wedding block reservations: hampton inn, coventry, ri
honeymoon package: kearsarge inn, north conway, nh (kearsargeinn.com)

registries: crate and barrel, sears

crafts from micahel's, ac moore, christmas tree shops
party supplies/utensils from costco and sam's club

i'll be back eventually to post about how we made all those flowers ourselves, because i would have really liked some info on that before i dove into it myself.
but i'm spent for now.

registry mayhem

the other night, after having half a bottle of red wine with my spaghetti dinner, i decided to begin writing thank-you cards. 50% of that motivation was due to the wine and the other 50% due to kz being out of town on business. what better to do than turn on lifetime and gush with some heartfelt gratitude (you know i'm kidding about lifetime, right? i was actually watching clear and present danger for the umpteenth time, because it is the best move ever, even with commercials).

i went clicking around on my desktop to find one of the 27 versions of the xls guest list that contained my column of "loot" where i'd typed in, one by one, what each guest bought us as i unwrapped or unpacked each item over the last 2 months (see "the mountain" below). yes, i was definitely that child who wouldn't eat her halloween candy before i dumped it all on the carpet, sorted by various groupings (wrapper color, sugar content, chocolate vs non, sticky vs chewy) until i was satisfied, and divvied it all up into compartments of a toolbox i reserved for such cataloging antics. i didn't have any friends, either.

anyway, i couldn't find a version of the file that had been updated since the day before the wedding. that only contained 5 or so gift notes of the 100+ i needed. i have a pretty good memory and could probably have reconstructed half of it, but that wasn't the point - i had been ORGANIZED and now my laptop was THWARTING ME and no wine-fueled searches for "*.xls" 'modified within the last month' yielded any fruit at all. i could have freaked but instead i poured another glass of wine and started writing out the thank-yous for old people first, since i think they still like to maintain decorum and see evidence that young people are still being raised with manners, and plus if i run out of steam (or stamps) and decide to bail and start sending thank-you emails, a lot of old peeps would prefer a hand-mailed letter (by pony express, if possible) to them new-fangled internets. even though nobody can read my tiny lefty scrawl, bifocals or glaucoma notwithstanding.

then of course, kz managed to find my file for me, hidden away on our shared items folder on the server with the same name as 10 other iterations all updated too long ago (a mistake never to be repeated; i shall go back to naming my files with version numbers, OCD appearances be damned). the moral of the story: i had called crate and barrel in a near-panic on monday, conjuring up my best "i just got married and i'm totally a real woman with serious woman-like emotions who is upset and may just cry or scream on the phone because i am having a problem and YOU must fix it, phone minion" - i think it was a convincing act, to be sure - and it turns out they can mail you a list of the names of people who purchased off your registry if they used a credit card, and what they purchased. it takes 2 weeks by mail, but it is a good thing to know in the case of a retard move like mine.

and as a side note, packing lists are actually pretty helpful - they contain the sender's address, even if they bought it and had it shipped online. i learned this, sadly, after the destruction and removal of the first mountain and its associated detritus; i only saved the second round of packing slips. this mattered to me because i didn't have anyone's addresses to begin with, being in the rather unique position of having sent solely electronic invitations but wanting to old-skool it with my thank-you cards. i'm still not sure why i decided to do that, i think it's because i found stamps and ink pads at the craft store, and blank off-white cards and envelopes, and i must have been going through the martha stewart phase of day 2 of PMS, because here i sit: 10 cards done after 3 hours of work. and not a stamp in the house.

at last! the mountain!

here's an updated pic of the current mountain. the scary part is not that it's finally just about reached the ceiling...remember the old mountain? well, my mom made short work of that when she was here for a week before the wedding. she done showed those boxes how it's done.

so this is an entirely new mountain, with bookcase and shoes shown for scale:



and i realized that yes, i still need to post pics and actually write about the wedding. i'm going to do that on my personal blog, sabominator.com, because it's mega enough that it spills over from this girly dungeon into my real life. so you can read about that here.

marriedz!!!

so, we did it! may 18, 2007: miss bunny became mrs. bears:


photo by jenny frazier, http://studio.alleyesonjenny.com/

i've been reluctant to post sooner, somewhat because we took a 4-day getaway to the white mountains and proceeded to catch a bad cold, and somewhat because i just don't know where to begin. i've been thinking pretty hard about how to group my post-wedding rundown on this blog; i know plenty of people, many of whom don't know me, have followed the trials and tribulations and might feel emotionally constipated if i never followed up. more to the point, so would i.

i actually had a lot to say in the 2 weeks leading up to the big day, but never had time to post. the biggest anxiety factor was the weather, which i stubbornly refused to believe would be solid rain until it actually happened. i honestly thought maybe my dad's arrival would set things right, since his presence during my childhood magically ensured sunny days and big waves every time we went to the beach. no dice; set a 100-year record for the amount of rainfall on that date and location.

i'm going to set about posting some hard numbers for how much we spent on what, and which vendors we used that we'd recommend, to make this site useful as something more than a repository for girlfeeings. but first, i'm going to just tell you how it went.

wedding forecast is number one!

this is what kz, me, and my mom all think about the wedding day forecast:

less than 9 days to go

and the mountain, it grows...

invites, decor, the state of being spastic, and rings

i've been meaning to announce for over a week that THE INVITATIONS ARE OUT and i'm so excited. i'm glad i didn't express my elation too soon after compopsing 100 individual emails, each with a separate attachment...because gmail's too smart for its own good, and stealthily changed the online RSVP link that i typed in the email body to a .html that was non-functional in that it didn't record any of our guests' responses. luckily, kz had ingeniously thought to link the RSVP URL by clicky action to the 'view invitation' page, so many of our guests accessed it by clicking the invite and we got a lot of our responses correctly that way. after a few complaints that went something along the lines of me starting off, "hey douchebag, why haven't you RSVP'd yet" and my unsuspecting obedient friends being all, "dude i did, like twice, i swear," i figured out something was up and it was quick-fix kz to the rescue. it necessitated writing a few more emails (ok, like 50) asking people to please try again now that the error was fixed. just an FYI to any other geeks in love thinking about doing online invitations: it's awesome. watching the RSVP's coming in real-time and knowing 95% of your guest attendance after less than 2 weeks is really pretty bitchin. just make sure your email client obeys your whims. we still got to have the 'pretty invitation with your wedding colors' aesthetic that is still expected, because kz laid out the electronic incarnation of what we would have gotten printed up if we'd had $400 and plenty of saliva and stamps to burn. email >>> all.

there's been a lot going down lately; kz's mom had this amazing idea to rent out the beach club the night before for the rehearsal dinner which his parents are generously hosting for us. after confirming that the parks department would let us begin decorating the night before, i nearly passed out from jubilation. without a doubt, the biggest stressor about the wedding has been imagining the logistics of how to get a bridal party, already in their dresses and tuxes, to rapidly decorate a large room and deck, including setting up tables, chairs, linens, flowers, etc - in about 2 hours, with only the field generals (the momz) to run the show. while i imagined sitting at the hotel primping and crossing my fingers that nothing went wrong. this changes all that; my OCD will be soothed by having some control (*twitch*) and by being around for some of the work the night before, and i won't have to ask our moms and bridal party to run around like madmen in the hours leading up to the wedding. since this new development, my gut has unclenched and i feel nearly nothing but excitement about the wedding. now i understand why function halls with staff and inclusive service, setup, and decorating are so popular. i'm just so happy we get to do it our way, but with less craziness.

this weekend, my little bro is being awesome and driving up from jersey to kz's rents' house with a carload of all the wedding goodies my mom has been stockpiling for the past year. and he drove down and back to NC last week to get it all. if it weren't for them, i'm not sure how i ever would have figured out how to decorate, since i'm no martha stewart; and how to afford all the stuff you need to transform an otherwise plain rented room. it's going to be pretty sweet. and so many friends have offered to help, or taken the day (or week!) off and are prepared to be at my beck and call, which is so thoughtful and also makes me uncomfortable, because i truly suck at telling people what to do.

alas, behind all the stuff that's going our way and all the support, there's always the crap. i have to say, i know some women are patently unreasonable about every last freaking detail and honestly earn the 'bridezilla' title, but so many have that epithet unfairly applied. i'm not trying to imply anyone has called me such (at least, not to my face), but i'm beginning to understand the so-called overly sensitive overreactions of so many brides to be. this thing happens that nobody but you, and maybe your fiance if he's paying attention, actually notices. all these little things come up. 1 in every 5 guests has a special request, wants to reschedule something, wants you to change the order or placement or timing of events, wants an exception to be made to increase their comfort. and the request, in and of itself, is nearly always perfectly reasonable. what is not reasonable is the volume of these requests received, and the often immediate and favorable attention expected from the bride, who's already stressed to the max and is actually dealing with life at the same time. work, school, house cleaning, errands...none of it ends. wedding crap just fills up all your free time previously used for relaxing, like a rose-scented pearly white grout that never lets go. so next time you want to ask someone who's getting married if they could just make an addition to the menu, or work around your travel plans, or do you a favor and invite someone else for their sake, well...my advice is, think again. chances are, a lot of people have bent over backwards for you on your big day, whether it was a birth or a marriage or a graduation; and you may not have even noticed it. return the favor and be an adult and manage your own issues by yourself to the extent to which it is humanly possible. i guarantee you: a bride to be would rather you skip purchasing a wedding gift and give the gift of silence in the months leading up to the wedding. unless you're having a legitimate problem (can't find a hotel room, aren't clear whether children are invited or what the attire is), don't contact the bride with a battery of pointed questions or sweetly-phrased demands. forego the temptation to turn your trip out to the wedding into a vacation about YOU. cause it's not. before and after the wedding, do it up and make the most of your expenses for going out there by seeing the sights and having a good time. not to put too fine a point on it, but you're actually there for the wedding, right? so if you get a bride acting recalcitrant, or exasperated, or less sympathetic to your request than she might otherwise be, remember that she feels like an overworked secretary with a bunch of clamoring kids that want more, more, more, and now, now, now. and running around a white-upholstered living room with chocolate-covered paws. you know what i mean.

and today i got all excited to go pick up our wedding bands, finally engraved and totally paid for. i'd had my engagement ring re-dipped in rhodium to restore the white gold color and shine, since something i came across (household cleaner or organic synthesis chemical, you be the judge) turned it a brassy gold in no time a couple of months ago. so i'd been wearing my 'temporary' target engagement ring so as not to feel naked for the past few weeks while they sent it out. it's funny, as someone who doesn't wear much habitually other than my lip ring and a small silver neck chain; you get really used to a ring on your finger every day. i was so looking forward to picking everything up and having my ring back, and knowing that the others were finally done. i'd been home sick all day with my recurrent bronchitis and dragged my ass out into the winter advisory slush, snow and ice weather to go get them. imagine how my heart sunk when i got home and, hoping to have a girly 5 minutes under the bright bathroom light admiring the appearance of both rings on, i noticed several scratches and 2 gouges that can catch a fingernail in my wedding band. kz's seems ok; i would imagine the minor scratches on the inside are common after engraving. but on the outer band and beveled edge...it's quite noticable, to my eyes. i'm trying to keep it in perspective. either kz will agree and we'll march back there and i'm sure they'll do something about it, or i'll find out i'm being a perfectionist and i can just relax the wedding sphincter just a little bit.

either way, it's time for some robitussin.
next week's my trial hair-do appointment, and the week after is my second fitting with my custom-made veil that will be ready. weddingz, ho!!